Hate Networking? 5 Ways to Improve Your Approach

So, here are 5 ways to improve your approach to networking from a once-reluctant networker:  

Practice by strengthening your own network

If the idea of meeting lots of new people genuinely fills you with dread, start small. Use your current network to practice. Find someone at work whom you don’t know very well and ask them a question. Show interest in them and get to know something about them as a person. It can feel really awkward, but why not time your lunch so you head to the microwave at the same time and just ask what they’ve got for lunch that day? My office is near our kitchen at work and I can time making a cup of tea at the same time I hear someone walking down the corridor. It’s been a great way to get to know people! It might feel weird to try to strategically have a conversation with someone but, honestly, all they’ll be feeling is valued because you took an interest in them.

Then take it a step further. Say hi to someone in a queue. Compliment their shoes or their coffee order. Or ask the person serving you at the checkout whilst you’re doing your weekly grocery shop if they’re having a nice day. Maybe this will start a conversation, maybe it won’t. Either way, you’re practicing that first awkward step of connecting with someone and you’re moving further into your comfort zone. 

Plan your energy

I am an introvert. There have been times in the past where I have worried others will view my reflective – often quieter – nature negatively. However, there are so many reasons I love being an introvert and so many of those reasons help me to network. For example, because I often take time to reflect I am really good at listening well in a conversation and responding to what has been said. It has taken me a long time to understand myself, to realise that networking is not just for extroverts and to confidently know that I am no less valuable than an extrovert. 

I can be energetic and enthusiastic and chat with lots of new people, but afterwards I am knackered. In fact, I have been to networking events before and then come home and needed a nap. It wasn’t that I didn’t love meeting new people, I just needed to recharge and I do that by being on my own, with my own thoughts. The more I’ve become aware of how my energy is impacted like this, the more I can plan for it. Making sure an evening has fewer plans following a busy day or planning something one-on-one as my next social thing rather than with a big group helps me to recharge.

Whether you’re an extrovert, introvert, or somewhere in-between, spend time getting to understand your energy and how you recharge. Think about what it is you’ll need to help you have the right amount of energy and enthusiasm for the networking you need to do. Maybe you need to pre-arrange meeting a friend afterwards to debrief, or walk home rather than take the bus to give yourself some headspace. Whatever it is, unashamedly prioritise your need to recharge. 

Value quality over quantity

Seek genuine connection; be present and authentic. I have lost count of the number of times when I felt like I needed to try and be more professional or pretend I knew more than I did. It’s exhausting and it’s inauthentic. I want to make genuine connections and have conversations where I come away feeling brighter. Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible to make those kinds of connections unless you’re being your authentic self.

It can be easy to feel like you need to ‘work a room’, meet as many people as possible and get everyone’s business cards. However, if you’ve not made a genuine connection with any of those people, how many are you really going to follow up with? How many do you think will want to follow up with you? Value quality over quantity. 

We like working with people we like. If you’re trying to find someone to work with, find out if you like them as a person by seeking a quality connection with them.

Though I wasn’t expecting to quote her in this article, as Mother Teresa said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.” Aim for good conversations where people feel listened to, and valued, because of the way you spoke to them. Don’t be looking over your shoulder for your next target. Instead, stay present and engaged with the person in front of you. Walk into the room believing that every person could bring value to your day. But, more than that, walk into the room believing you could bring value to theirs. 

Ask questions

How do we connect authentically? Ask questions. Questions can be incredibly powerful by showing genuine interest and inviting others to share more of who they are. Seek to ask questions that bring people to life and invite them to give bigger answers, like ‘What do you enjoy about your job?’ or ‘Did you always want to work in this industry?’ 

If you want to learn how to ask better questions, there are hundreds of examples of great conversation starters online as well as lots of excellent articles. For example, in their Harvard Business Review article ”The Surprising Power of Questions”, Alison Wood Brooks and Leslie K. John share their thoughts about how to ask great questions: ”The wellspring of all questions is wonder and curiosity and a capacity for delight.“ Imagine a conversation with wonder, curiosity and delight. Imagine if networking could feel like that?! With the right questions, it can.

Remember, you won’t be the only one there feeling uncomfortable! 

Not everyone knows what they’re doing. That has been one of the biggest realisations for me as I have worked my way up in seniority in roles at work. Everyone is winging it. From the outside I really thought they all knew what they were doing. They don’t. You don’t suddenly become a senior leader and know everything or feel confident in every conversation. Whilst this has been deeply reassuring because I certainly don’t have all the answers, I cannot believe how much time I wasted thinking everyone else knew what they were doing!

If you feel nervous, you won’t be the only one. You’re probably not the only person feeling uncomfortable. There are likely also other people thinking they’d rather go home for a cup of tea, or who were dragged there by a work colleague who’s now abandoned them to ‘work the room’.

Decide what you want to get out of the event. Maybe it’s to have a genuine connection with just one person, to say hello to three new people, or perhaps you want to ask the great question you practiced earlier in the week in the queue at Starbucks. Whatever it is, take a deep breath, acknowledge how uncomfortable and awkward it feels, and go for it. You’ve got this.

Be authentic and seek those genuine connections. And although we’ve acknowledged we may feel uncomfortable, conversations shouldn’t make us feel that way. Don’t be afraid to walk away from conversations that make you feel uncomfortable. I look back on some interactions where sexist comments were made or people were just downright rude and now, if I was back there, I would leave those conversations. You don’t need to connect with everyone. 

How long is this going to take?

I’ll be honest with you; I’m coming up to 7+ years on this networking journey of mine. I now see networking as incredibly valuable. I relish the opportunity to respond to a colleague’s request with, ‘I know someone great for that, I’ll connect you with them’ and I love it when people say, ‘Oh, you really do know everyone, don’t you?’ However, sometimes (often), I would still rather curl up in a ball with a mug of tea and a good book than be in a room full of people. I don’t think that will ever change. What is true now, though, is that I can also find joy in networking because my aim is genuine connection and there really is not much better than that. 

I truly hope, even if you don’t become a networking lover, you find a way to hate it a little less. Oh, and make sure to keep your social media, website or voicemail up-to-date so it’s easy for people to connect with you. Happy networking!