I Did What I Needed to Heal
Written by Novia Reid
June 6, 2022 marked eight years since my husband-to-be passed away. I use the term husband-to-be instead of fiancé because he passed suddenly before he could propose. It was a difficult journey to healing. After all, we were planning our wedding, we were in business together, and we ministered together. David had declared that I was his Proverbs 31 wife, and I believed he was the godly husband I prayed for all those years. God had other plans, and I soon learned to embrace and honor that. Eventually, I found peace and realized that although David was honest, God-fearing, and good-natured, he was not the man for me.
What I found challenging about healing from his loss was what I believed others would expect and think of me if I made certain decisions. I worried that people would question my love for David and commitment to him. I mostly wondered what our mutual friends and business mentors would say. People’s possible thoughts of me almost drowned out my own voice and what I needed to grieve and heal. However, a turning point came. I am not sure when the turning point happened, but I received revelation that I needed to do what was best for me. My turning point led to three decisions:
Of all the things I learned from my healing journey, one salient lesson was that I had to do what my soul needed to heal and move forward, irrespective of what others expected of me or believed I should do.
The Business
When I met David, he was an independent business owner for a global company that offered beauty, nutrition, and household products. Not long after we met, David invited me to a team meeting, and before I knew it, I was selling the products and inviting others to join the business. We made a great team, and I had success with sales. Truth be told, if David hadn’t passed, I would probably still be involved in the business today. But I recognized that being an independent owner was his passion, not mine, and while he supported me as an author and speaker, his dream was becoming mine.
Soon after I understood the business was not my joy or purpose, I left with grace. Leaving felt good and right to my soul and was one of the most liberating things I have done for myself. Sometimes, we don’t realize that we can become so absorbed into something or someone that we believe it’s joy and love when it can solely be seeking acceptance.
The Ring
Sometime after I left the business, another decision weighed on me: whether I should keep the ring. David and I chose my engagement and wedding band, and he held onto them, waiting for the right time. I spoke to my friend, who, after over 15 years of friendship, has become my sister, about the battle I faced. I questioned if selling the ring meant I no longer treasured David. I wondered what his family and friends would say if they learned I sold it. Coretta offered me her view, but essentially she empowered me to do what was best for me. I decided to sell the ring. I didn’t receive a lot of money for it. But that wasn’t the purpose of selling it. I sold the ring because holding onto it didn’t serve me. I sold it for myself because I needed to so I could move on.
The Burning
Now, the burning. My best friend had recently experienced divorce, and I was still healing from David’s loss. So, we chose a Saturday night to gather in my backyard to burn the things we no longer wanted from our relationships. We laughed. We drank some wine. We reflected, and then we gathered around the fire, held hands, and prayed. That night was symbolic, but it was also a tangible healing act. We let go of the material things that we no longer needed and wanted, things that no longer served the healing we pursued. We let them go, and in the end, we were happier. We did not suddenly forget the memories we shared or become healed from the pain we experienced. What we achieved that night was inner peace and sovereignty.
Of all the things I learned from my healing journey, one salient lesson was that I had to do what my soul needed to heal and move forward, irrespective of what others expected of me or believed I should do. I learned to trust myself, to trust that I knew what I needed. The other lesson was that sometimes we may be surprised that what we fear others won’t understand, they will. Now, as I write this article where I share three of the most private things I did to heal, I can see another layer of freedom. The freedom to heal and live in a manner that’s true to your values and soul’s needs is what I pray and hope for you.
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