Three Lies You Can Leave Behind This Summer
Written by Chanel Dokun
What if you could slide into fall feeling freer, lighter, and nimbler this year? What if this year you got to be the one who defined what success looks like for you? It’s possible. But in order to bring the free vibes of summer into the next season, you’ll need to empty out some head trash. Now is the time to let go of the lies that have been holding you back from the meaningful life you want.
In my book Life Starts Now: How to Create the Life You’ve Been Waiting For, I help women learn how to discover their life purpose and pivot into a life they desire. Often, I find it’s not a lack of drive or vision that prevents women from making healthy changes. Instead, what I see is women trapped in a set of limiting beliefs that keep them stuck.
In order to break through and start living on their own terms, they have to let go of three core lies they have internalized about the path to success. You may have adopted these beliefs, too. Do any of these lies sound like something you’ve thought in the past?
Now is the time to let go of the lies that have been holding you back from the meaningful life you want.
Lie #1: “I am what I do.”
It’s easy to allow your career to define who you are. What begins as a noble desire for professional success can morph into a fixation with finding your life’s meaning solely in your day job. When you overly intertwine your identity with your career, it can lead to burnout and the tendency to place too much pressure on what is only one aspect of your life. As you strive for professional success, you lose sight of your other life buckets (like self, spirituality, or relationships) and devote too much time to work.
Writer Derek Thompson refers to this obsession with career as “workism,” equating our cultural fixation on our jobs to religious devotion. While logically we know we are not the sum total of our job titles, we often engage with our work as if it’s a place of identity production instead of the place where we produce goods or services.
New truth: Before you head into fall and get back to your regular rhythm of work, now is a great time to remember you are a human being and not a human doing. Hold onto the fact that your career is too insufficient to bear the weight of your full life purpose. You are more than your job.
Lie #2: “I am who I love.”
Do you wonder if you can build a meaningful life without a partner? Or maybe you feel held back in pursuing your calling because you feel trapped in a relationship that won’t allow you to grow. You’re not alone. It’s common for women to hold onto the belief that life is limited to the bounds of the relationships that make up their lives. However, this lie can leave you living without boundaries as you begin to view yourself through the lens of the roles you play for others.
For example, I once coached a client who dreamed of starting an international nonprofit. Her eyes lit up whenever she spoke about the possibility of living abroad and helping solve a critical issue affecting people in a West African village. However, when I encouraged her to chase the dream she longed to realize, she would shove her longings to the back burner. She told me going after the life she wanted wasn’t something she could do as a single woman. “What if my future husband doesn’t want to live in Africa?” she asked. She also feared breaking out of her family’s script to “be responsible” and “be financially stable.” As a result, she sat suffocated in a life that looked good on the surface, but didn’t honor her deeper desires.
Does that sound like you? Do you feel like you’re waiting for your life to begin until you get someone else’s permission, approval, or companionship?
New truth: There is no time to waste. Your life starts now. Maybe you’ve made similar choices where you’ve set your calling aside based on who you are or who you want to be connected to in your life. Remember, you’re meant to be more than an accessory to someone else’s life. Take your place as the lead actress of your own life, rather than settling for a supporting role. Who you are and what you’re here to do on this earth are not limited to any particular relational status or group of people. You are more than who you love.
Lie #3: “I am what I have.”
The final lie that might keep you from a meaningful life is that you’re caught up in getting “stuff.” You’re focused on what you can acquire in terms of wealth, objects, or experiences which get used for propping up a nagging sense of inadequacy. Of course, on the surface you might not think you’re looking for possessions to give you fulfillment. But in quiet moments alone, maybe you’ve wondered if getting the next thing—like a four-bedroom house, a white Range Rover, or a first-class ticket to travel through Europe—might be the path to living a more meaningful life.
New truth: There is nothing outside of yourself that you could buy or acquire that would make your life more valuable. You are enough. And if your basic needs are met, you truly have enough. The paradox of owning things is that the more we have, the more we tend to want. Remember, you are more than what you have.
It’s time to let go of these three limiting beliefs that are weighing you down and holding you back from stepping into the life you really want. This fall is your chance to rewrite the narrative of success for your life. A great way to get started is to focus on reconnecting to your own voice. In Life Starts Now, I outline a daily habit that I encourage all of my life planning clients to adopt so they can reconnect to their authentic identity without the lies that misdirect their lives. I call this the Reclaim the Morning practice, where you allow your voice to be the primary voice setting the tone for your life.
It’s time to bring summer into fall by turning down the volume on these limiting beliefs and amplifying the incredible woman you’re meant to be.
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