5 Myths About Joy (and Happiness)

MYTH #1: “Joy and Happiness Are the Same.”

I believed that joy and happiness were interchangeable for most of my life. And I thought that to have joy, I had to feel okay in the moment I was in.

However, over the past couple of years, the Lord has shown me something different.

While joy and happiness can evoke a similar emotional response – one of peace, contentment, and overall well-being, they actually stem from two different places.

I am learning that happiness is an emotion based on circumstances. It is exploring a new book shop and finding a book you have been searching for. It is looking at your child’s face as they enjoy an ice cream cone. Finally, it is being present for a long-awaited date night with your significant other.

And while the circumstances surrounding your happiness may be good and cherished things, they are often only surface deep.

On the other hand, joy is rooted in the very depths of your being and is inspired by something bigger than yourself.

And if we could strip our perceptions, circumstances, and passions down to the very foundation, we would find that joy is the steadfast assurance that God is in control.

It can be found in the refinement, in the hard places, and the grieving. Joy is what strengthens our faith and prepares us for the journey ahead. 

MYTH #2: “Because I Am Experiencing Something Sad, I Can’t Have Joy.”

In the months before moving to NYC, my heart was laser-focused on how great our lives would be. After all, this was what my heart longed for!

However, life has been anything but sunshine and roses. Instead, there have been tears and frustration. And grieving, oh, the grieving.

I have processed the loss of so much: close friends in both relationship and location, a beloved family pet that grew up with my youngest child, relationships with relatives, and the loss of a dream that we were able to walk in for a season.

James 1:2-3 in the NIV says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds.

If I am honest, sometimes this phrase is really what keeps me going. It reminds me that God is working in me, regardless of the circumstance. It challenges me to remember and consider the joy of the Lord, no matter how sad I feel, because He will sustain me. 

And as I learn to mourn on a deeper level, I am also learning to trust God and rejoice in both the little and significant things in front of me.

MYTH #3: “Material Things Will Bring Joy.”

Before moving to Brooklyn, my husband and I celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary. I fondly remember our first year of marriage and the humble apartment we shared, complete with the few pieces of furniture and décor we started with. 

I remember comparing my apartment with the homes of friends and family, and over the years, we collected and accumulated quite the home full of comfort. 

That is until we sold and gave away fifty percent of what we owned so that we would fit into the four-bedroom apartment that was waiting for us in New York.

As someone whose love language is gifts, this process was challenging. I held pride in my heart for all the things that made my house a home, and yet, the Lord rekindled a peace and a joy that filled the void I was grieving. 

God provides the things we need through people, circumstances, and provision. And in times like these while we should remain content, we also must remember to take the gaze off what is given and turn it to who the Giver is.

Moths and thieves will destroy what we have on earth, but our true joy in who God is can never be taken from us.

MYTH #4: “My External Circumstances Are My Source of Joy.”

Isn’t it interesting how, within the schemes and dreams of what our hearts long for, we always just assume that good measure and happy times will follow us all the days of our lives as soon as we attain those things?

I prayed for nineteen years to move to New York City. I relentlessly surrendered my life and the desires of my heart to God, and in 2020, God made a way.

You would think that nothing could rain on my parade. I was living the dream! 

Until reality set in, and my heart was moved to surrender again. 

Once we were settled, the cracks began to surface. My marriage struggled as my husband and I navigated our separate traumas. My children were in heavy transition from their established life to learning a new city. And balancing the surrender of one job to get us to NYC and the unexpected loss of another left me feeling like I was one circumstance away from cracking.

And so, I decided to cast my real emotions at the feet of Jesus. My anger, my grief, my sadness, my confusion. He reminded me who and Whose I was and exchanged my mourning for joy.

Even in the reality of our current situations, we can still count it as joy because joy can be found in the breaking, the loss, and the grief. It is in the giving and taking away, the flourishing and the pruning.

It is where God comforts us in the valley as we lift our tear-streaked faces to His.

MYTH #5: “I Can’t Have Joy Unless I Am Whole and Healthy.”

I have been in counseling since 2016, and quite honestly, stepping into my calling in NYC while working on my own emotional and mental trauma was a hard pill to swallow.

I struggled with leading others to the throne of the Father as I navigated my own hang-ups, addictions, and grief. And then the Holy Spirit met me in a delicate place.

He spoke gently to my heart and reminded me that I don’t have to perform, reach a standard, or attain every one of my goals for Him to love me. And in an instant, as He filled me with His love, joy filled my heart. 

1 Peter 1:8, NIV, says, “Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.”

As we have faith in Him throughout our brokenness and uncertainty, He promises to fill us with His supernatural joy. 

In every single work in progress, He loves us abundantly. And in His love, we have joy.

So if you are struggling with finding joy in the mundane and striving, know that we have a God who gives us perfect peace in each situation we find ourselves in. And may the God of hope fill you with everlasting joy as you trust in him so that you will overflow with the hope of His power.