How to Get Intentional About Praying

A mystery of the Christian faith is why sometimes godly people, with faith and good intentions, have requests God hasn’t answered.

If I had a quarter for every time I did that, my husband would have enough money for a Tesla. What does praying even mean?

Sometimes, we may simply use those “praying for you” phrases as good intentioned, well-wishes. Then, we may honestly forget to say a prayer for what we committed to. I wonder though, if sometimes, we forget the power of prayer, what prayer is and what it really means. I wonder if we forget what the Bible teaches and what it would mean if we actually believed what Jesus and the Bible said was true. I wonder if we forget altogether that we have access to the Almighty God of the universe, as believers in Christ. 

What is prayer?

Prayer is talking with God. God is loving, kind, and wants to be in relationship with us, which is one of the reasons He has made Himself available to us in prayer [John 1:10-13, 15:5; Romans 10:8]. If we’ve accepted the free gift of salvation through Jesus’s perfect sacrifice and resurrection, and we believe the Bible is true (literally and in correct context) then we can believe the wild things the Bible says about prayer. It’s incredible to think that the Creator of all things cares for us and we can talk to him anytime with our words and thoughts [John 1:3].

We pray to God to worship Him, thank Him, talk to Him, pray for others, and present our needs [Philippians 4:6]. One reason to pray to God is because we want a relationship with Him and He with us. We talk to those we love and want to be near to them in crisis and pain. We call our loved ones to share good news, bad news, ask for help, and to share love. God is not a man, far away in the sky we send requests up to: God is God, our good Father, all powerful, worthy of praise, the One who truly, deeply loves us [Psalm 145:3; Ephesians 3:16-21]. If someone we love is hurting or needs help, we should run to our loving Father, express our emotions, ask Him for help, and bring our requests to Him.

There is some debate among Christian scholars on the topic of prayer: some believe that God doesn’t hear the prayers of the unsaved (those who haven’t accepted salvation), and there are some who believe that God hears them all. It’s pretty universally agreed upon by evangelicals that God does literally hear all prayers, because He’s all knowing, omnipresent, and knows our thoughts before we think or speak them (Psalm 139:1-24,147:5; 1 John 3:20), but the debate comes from interpreting if He answers unbelievers’ prayers in any capacity. 

Some Bible scholars use verses like Psalm 34:15, John 1:12, and John 9:30-33 as evidence that believers’ prayers are the only prayers heard by God. Other scholars believe God hears and may answer any prayers. Evidence for this theory is based on Biblical accounts like in Luke 23:39-43 when a man who is generally assumed to be an unbeliever is dying on the cross next to Jesus and understands Jesus is God. He asks Jesus to remember him and Jesus says He will and that the man would be in paradise with Him that day. Another example commonly used to support this belief is in Acts 10 when God sends Peter to a Roman officer Cornelius, because of his prayers. Cornelius is recorded as being a god-fearing, praying man, however he hadn’t heard the gospel, which is why God orchestrated Peter to go to him. Likewise, some believe that prayer was a privilege designed specifically for believers, however God is sovereign and may grant the prayer of an unbeliever or act as a result of their requests made to Him. 

Whatever your personal, specific belief is about the prayers God hears, we can all make some observations together about prayer and God that are pertinent to understanding prayer. First, we can see that God is sovereign, good, and without sin (Psalm 30:4; 71:16; 2 Corinthians 5:21) which means He is the God of ultimate power, no one is above Him, and He will never sin against us. He is holy and in control (Psalm 47:8). Second, we can study Scripture to see that there can be hindrances to our prayers. God is pure and without any wickedness (Psalm 18:30-32), but we as people can be filled with wickedness, have impure hearts, and cruel intentions. We can see that there is an issue between a loving God who is absolutely perfect and people who have sinful hearts and intentions, coming to Him to make requests. 

Proverbs makes a few notes about praying with sinful intentions in your heart. Proverbs 15:29 says, “The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous.” and Proverbs 28:9 similarly says, “God detests the prayers of a person who ignores the law.” 1 Chronicles 5:18-20 documents the armies of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh. They prayed to God that they would win a battle, and the Bible says “he answered their prayer because they trusted in him”. It wasn’t a transaction, it was people with hearts full of faith who came to God for help. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to honor their wives, treat them as equals, and with understanding so that their “prayers will not be hindered”. The Greek word used in this verse is ἐγκόπτεσθαι, which means cut into, impede, interrupt, block, or detain. 1 Peter 3:7 is explaining that if husbands aren’t treating their wives with honor and respect, there will be difficulties and obstacles in their prayer life. 

God cares about the condition of our hearts when we pray and if the desires of our heart are aligned with His will (Psalm 37:4). God cares if our heart desires to love others, to be without sin, and to do things for the purpose of serving without personal gain. This is because God is holy, and He desires for our hearts to be holy (1 Peter 1:16). 

Over and over, we see God’s holiness remain true in the Bible. God won’t go against His character or will to grant our prayer requests. If we are sinning and aligning our hearts elsewhere, we are creating an obstacle in our special, relational conversations with God. God cares if we love Him with all of our heart, soul, and mind and if we love our neighbors as ourselves. Matthew 22:40 explains that the entire law of the Old Testament is based on those two commands. In essence, if we are fully seeking to love and serve God, along with our neighbors, we won’t sin. Our sin comes when we have idols, selfishness, put ourselves first, seek to be praised, and when our pride takes over. 

In Matthew 6:19-30, Jesus explains that whatever things we cherish the most will control our lives; we can’t serve God while the driving force of all we do is controlled by our desire for money or fears about material provisions. Praying isn’t just about making a request to God; praying is about having faith that He can and will provide. Matthew 6:32-33 says, “These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” We should pray in faith, belief that God is capable, and trust that whatever His answer is will be best for us. 

A mystery of the Christian faith is why sometimes godly people, with faith and good intentions, have requests God hasn’t answered. Sometimes God asks us to wait for something better, to wait for His timing, or just says no. It would be impossible for us to understand the mind of the Almighty God, and our speculations of limited understanding are just that. People have been asking the question “why does God allow bad things to happen” for millennia. While we can’t ever fully understand these deep, complicated topics, we can study the Bible for more clarity and look to people like Job and Paul. In 2 Corinthians 12, Paul writes about the “thorn in his flesh” which many Bible scholars believe to be a medical issue with his eyes. Paul writes that it was to keep him from becoming conceited. Verses 8-9 perfectly explain the mystery of prayer and reliance on God instead of our own understandings, “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

How Should We Pray?

Philippians 4:6 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” If we really believe God and believe the Bible, this means a lot: pray about everything. Worry about nothing. The Bible isn’t just saying forget about it, it’s commanding us to trust God with our needs and speak to Him in prayer. We are being asked to relinquish our tight grasp on what we think we need and have faith that God will provide for whatever our needs are.

We are told to have relational conversations with God: to talk to God about our lives, our fears, and our needs, knowing He is the Great comforter, our loving Father, and Jehovah Jireh, the Provider (Genesis 22:14; 2 Corinthians 1:3-4; 1 John 4:8). We can be completely raw, honest, and real with God. He already knows our thoughts, hearts, and identities to the fullest extent of who we are [Psalm 139]. We don’t have to hide or clean ourselves up. God already sees us, and we can come to Him exactly how we are. We are told to thank God, to let Him know how wonderful and meaningful each blessing and provision from Him is.

In Matthew 6, Jesus gives some instructions for prayers, good deeds, and fasting. He commands us not to give or serve others with the intention of being admired for it. He says to pray in a way that’s private and genuine, unlike the religious hypocrites who were praying on the street so they could be seen and commended [Matthew 6:5-18]. In verse 7, Jesus says prayer isn’t about repeating specific words; God already knows what we need. He goes on to give what is known as the Lord’s Prayer in verse 9-13 and tells us to pray like that: praying in reverence to God as Holy, asking for God’s will to be done, requests for physical needs to be met, for the forgiveness of sins, for forgiveness for those who wrong us, and that we would resist temptation. He goes on to give instructions for prayer and fasting saying, “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get.” Jesus explains that it’s better for us to pray and fast in private with no intention to seek praise, so we don’t miss out on the real rewards of prayer.

There is very little specific instruction in the Bible on physically how to approach prayer; God doesn’t specifically instruct us to sit, stand, close our eyes, etc. 1 Timothy 2:8 says, “Therefore I want the men everywhere to pray, lifting up holy hands without anger or disputing.” In this verse, the Bible isn’t focused on the physical orientation of praying mens’ hands: it’s focused on how the men are approaching prayer and what the state of their heart is. The King James Study Bible Notes commentary makes a note that, “The manner in which men are to pray is that of lifting up holy hands, that is, with a pure life, which is without wrath and doubting (disputes).” 

We can also see that praying isn’t about a transactional relationship. We don’t just qualify to get what we want from God by doing good things. Prayer isn’t designed like a sticker chart where we do something on a “good works” checklist to receive a prize. There isn’t a legalism to prayer. There’s no formula. God wants our hearts.

Praying for Others

When we see how powerful and unbelievable prayer is, we can understand how valuable it can be for us and others. We can intercede for others, bringing our requests to God on their behalf. If our friends or family are hurting, we can bring our feelings, concern, and worries about them to God. He listens, He cares, and He hears.

Prayer isn’t just for our loved ones, friends, and acquaintances. It feels easy to spend a few minutes talking to God and bringing requests for those you feel good about. But, in Matthew 5:43-44 Jesus says, “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”. Jesus’s love is so radical and unlike our sinful nature that he commands us to pray for the very people who cause us pain. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a Christian pastor and later martyr in Nazi Germany, wrote about prayer saying, “I can no longer condemn or hate other Christians for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble they cause me. In intercessory prayer the face that may have been strange and intolerable to me is transformed into the face of one for whom Christ died, the face of a pardoned sinner.”

We can understand what prayer is, why we do it, and how we should approach it with our hearts, but how do we actually do it? One of the valuable things to remember about prayer is we can do it anywhere. You can say a prayer in the quietness of your heart, out loud in a room full of people, in your car, in the shower, while you think, before you sleep, literally anytime. A practice someone taught me years ago was to pray for someone anytime you think about them. If you see someone or they pop in your mind, you can say a quiet prayer for them in your mind. Sometimes it may simply be, “Thanks God for this person, please help them today”. Another practice I learned was to pray for someone when you have judgmental, bad, or harsh feelings towards someone, and specifically for the problem you feel they’re struggling with. For example, if I see a woman who I am judging because I think she may be prideful or arrogant, I could pray that God would help her with her pride and help me with my judgement. 

We can pray for real enemies and those who are threats to people’s lives because we understand that the way people’s hearts change is through Jesus and the gospel. We can pray for the persecuted and the persecutor, knowing they both need the healing that only comes from Jesus. We pray not because people “deserve” it. We pray because we know we don’t deserve anything from God either, yet He broke the power of death for us to give us a new life [2 Timothy 1:9-10].

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