Finding Hope in Disappointment

Disappointment is hard because it often triggers the painful places of our hearts. It speaks to the things we struggle with, and it mocks the imperfect places of our humanity.

As a mom of five, this could either make or break the day. In this particular circumstance, it broke it.

I remember my husband trying to console me by offering suggestion after suggestion, all circling back to me taking a deep breath, and driving to the store up the street for more milk. Essentially what I heard was, “Calm down, this is not a big deal, and here is how to fix it.”

To the average human adult, it wasn’t a big deal. It was a gallon of milk.

But to me, it was the top layer of tiny disappointments compounded with millions of other tiny disappointments that triggered my heart. The lack of milk in my fridge amplified the already voluminous thoughts of how I was failing as a mom, a wife, and a woman in this world. It mocked my ability to care for my kids because now they couldn’t eat their favorite cereal before they began a day of playing with their friends. It taunted my memories of being homeless for three weeks, living out of a moving truck with four children under the age of seven. It reminded me that to survive, I have to live from a place of hoarding, or else I wouldn’t have enough.

A wise person once said, “Reactions to small disappointments are huge because all disappointment looks the same.”

This is something that I’ve carried with me throughout the last five years of my healing journey. It helps me to respond in love to those around me who may seem to be overreacting to the small things, and it reminds me to give myself grace.

Disappointment is hard because it often triggers the painful places of our hearts. It speaks to the things we struggle with, and it mocks the imperfect places of our humanity.

So how do we overcome our overwhelming reactions to disappointment?

I wish I could share a tried-and-true five-step process with you, but it’s much more complicated than that.

What does God say about disappointment?

The first thing I ask God to help me remember is that Christ knows what I’m walking through and how I’m feeling. He left His place next to the Father in heaven and walked the paths that I’m walking. People let Him down, circumstances didn’t go quite as planned, and up until the end, even Jesus asked that the Father to take the cup of death from Him (Matthew 26:39).

“So then, we must cling to faith to all we know to be true. For we have a magnificent King-Priest, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who rose into the heavenly realm for us, and now sympathizes with us in our frailty. He understands humanity, for as a man, our magnificent King-Priest was tempted in every way just as we are, and conquered sin. So now we draw near freely and boldly to where grace is enthroned, to receive mercy’s kiss and discover the grace we urgently need to strengthen us in our time of weakness.”

-Hebrews 4:14-16 TPT

Disappointment often occurs when our plans don’t pan out how we thought they would. I see this daily in my own life, being a New Yorker with time constraints on everything. Running one minute behind can throw off the rest of your day. 

I’ve experienced this in relationships as well. I often subconsciously put unrealistic and unspoken expectations on the people in my life, and when they don’t uphold their unknown end of my bargain, it causes the train of my life to derail.

However, God knows the steps He has planned for me. Proverbs 16:9 in the NLT says, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.” 

How freeing it is to ponder the God of the universe and His plans for me. Plans that, in the long run, won’t disappoint.

I understand how vastly different it can be to meditate on His truth in the quiet of your Bible study time versus remembering what He says when you are actually in the thick of it. For me, it has taken a lot of practice and intentionality.

Two tangible ways to walk through disappointment: 

1. Feel all the things and cry all the tears.

Disappointment is very real, and so are the emotions and triggers that come along with it. To be honest, there was a moment in my life where it was just continual crying. People hurt me on a level so deep that I felt that my wounds would never recover. Life experiences were so crushing that I never wanted to leave the comfort of my bed.

In this season, the only thing I could do was feel all the emotions and cry out to God in my pain. This was a devastating place because I knew I didn’t need to find the words to pray. After all, God knew. And the same goes for you.

Friend, these places of disappointment are hard. They are attached to real feelings, real emotions, and real wounds. May I encourage you that you don’t need to have your words perfectly arranged in a lamenting prayer for God to hear you. He is right with you. He will fight for you; you only need to be still (Exodus 14:14).

2. Write it out.

I have journals upon journals of prayers. Not the kind of prayers that start with Dear God and end in Amen. I mean, notebooks where I hashed out my greatest disappointments in real and raw monologue. The kinds where I questioned things, wrestled with doubts and allowed myself to be angry. 

As I processed, the Holy Spirit met me and comforted me, like a Friend, a Brother, and a Father. He will never leave you to sit in the rubble. He is near, He is close to your heart, and He cares about you in the way that a loving, kind, and gentle father cares for his newborn (1 Peter 5:7). 

Grief in disappointment is heavy. It’s a process, and it takes time. As you begin to walk through the devastation of your own disappointment, remember that God is there. I realize that for some of us, that may be a hard concept to grasp as you are treading water, but with just the mention of His name, He will calm the sea and allow you to rest.

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